the traffic on the way to Kuala Pilah was shit.
but we got to our destination by 12:30-1:30PM ish.
it was my sister’s last minute plan. we didn’t think of going until i was awoken at 8AM.
since my sister’s right foot is in shit condition, i had to drive. fine. but they never like the way i drive, coz i’m reckless and whatnot.
so yes, after meeting our uncle whom we’ve not visited for 2-3 years, we were fed good fresh cooked meal - i was stuffed.
it was 3:30-4:30PM, we left and say goodbyes.
the traffic was shit too on the way back.
while being stuck in traffic, my bladder begins to feel like it needs to burst.
even worse, i somehow i felt damn sleepy.
i did tell my sister i wanted to pee and felt sleepy, but i guessed she couldn’t suggest a thing since we were stuck in traffic.
i was driving in the middle lane on the highway.
not much movement.
as much as i was trying to fight the sleepiness and hopefully get to pee to the nearest R&R, and while waiting for the cars to move, i thought i’d shut my eyes for a tiny bit moment.
the next thing i know, i opened my eyes, the car on the left wanted to cut in and i didn’t realise he wanted to.
my foot must’ve pressed the gas pedal out of shocked since the car was moving really slow.
i accidentally rammed it. yet somehow i manage to avoid from having the situation worsen.
out of shocked, my mom and sister awaken (not sure if my sister was asleep) by the incident.
my sister sitting at the back seat was being furious. of course, it’s her car that i was driving.
her forever raising her voice at the back while i drive, when i already gave signal she kept on asking me to put on my signal like wtf woman, i am fucking signalling like can you just shut the fuck up!
as i was signalling to the nearest R&R, i was trying to park by the side as the parking area is full. my sister was yelling at me and i told her i needed to go to the loo.
we got out of the car, she babbling about me being stupid etc as she checks out her car’s condition.
no major dent but unfortunately, i had cracked the side mirror and scratched the car.
throughout the argument, she insisted that i had not told her i was sleepy nor was i desperate to go to the loo.
i’m not fucking surprised when she said that. if she hadn’t been fucking around a lot with her fucking blackberry, she would have been fucking listening, init? i swear, that fucking blackberry is the most fucking piece of annoying shit between me and her - whatever i say, she NEVER hear me! i felt like… the blackberry is like her favourite ex students whom i hate just because i felt like my sister wish i was them or rather have them to be her little brothers instead or something, ya know? like i’m fucking worthless.
whatever, that’s besides the point.
even after she was still yelling at me about the accident, i just kept walking towards the public loo. as soon i get my space to urinate, i just started to cry as hell. “i only shut my eye for just 15 seconds. that’s not even half a minute”, i thought to myself.
when i came back from the loo, i sat at the back seat.
my sister, disregard of her injured foot, she drove the car.
throughout the whole ride until we reached in front of our home, my sister was forever yelling at me.
my mom joined in too but she didn’t yell, she only provides stupid uncalled for dramas about me mistreating her - you fucking piece of shit, that’s not my problem. and fucking hell, i only mistreat her when we don’t see eye to eye with each other and what is the fucking point of bringing up the whole drama shit!?
my sister on the other hand was more emphasising on my bad driving skills and why the the Kangoo car has often have problems =_= the car is like old ffs.
but she went overboard. she called me a kafir, an idiot, etc.
i also owe her RM500 or something to fix her shit. there goes my hard earn money i’ve been trying to save up to move out. i worked for 3 weeks for nothing !
whatever it is, the more my sister has been calling me an idiot, the more i’m starting to believe i am one.
an idiot, stupid, useless, heartless, reckless, could give shit, and she also say that i act as if the car is my birthright or something… i felt hurt with that say. i’m fucking adopted. OBVIOUSLY i’m never close to any fucking birthrights to own any of your shits and i don’t plan to!
i just feel like i need to die right now.
all the enthusiasm of being a better person just seem to be flushed down the drain.
like… what’s the use of trying when you’re fucking useless, init?
i just accidentally had a micro “sleep”
was all those saying really necessary ?
p/s: i fucking want to run away and leave everything and maybe just start from scratch and try to survive on my own even if i have start from the streets. anyone care to help me on this bit?